I love Summer!

I am seeing blue skies and clouds right now (literally since I am on a plane ride home). This summer internship at JJDC has turned into exactly what I wanted and more. A chance to see some exciting projects in JNJ and learn about how big organizations work. But the thing that has pleasantly surprised me is how much I have learned about myself and addressed what I view as fundamental weaknesses and fears. For example, I have always been afraid of being spontaneous, being “on the spot” like having to answer questions with people watching or giving a speech in front of people, cold calling people I don’t know, interjecting my own opinions without thinking, in a sense speaking from the heart in a situation which I cannot control. My boss Brian seems to be the opposite. He is up front, straightforward, and lives to “speak from the heart” and probably wouldn’t have it any other way. Brian has shown me how to take chances by being the only one in a roomful of experts to speak up, ask an “ignorant” question, be confident, speak from the heart. Its really changing my perspective starting from how I perceive my role as a “lowly” intern in the company. In some ways, I am empowered as an intern by the fact that I have no employment riding on my time here at JNJ this summer. I can say whatever I want to whomever I want and the worst that can happen is I get scolded and I go back to med school. So whereas I have been timid about cold calling a bunch of people I don’t know and don’t have introductions to for a project I am doing at work, now I am more like . . . what do I care? Call as many people as I can before I leave this place. And why not? Life is too short to waste spending time thinking about things and thinking about things only to get all prepared and not say them. Life is too short to shy away from something because its too scary or its too much work. After all, what have I got to lose?

So while I am in this “positive override” mode (to shamelessly plagiarize malcolm gladwell), what are the reminders I want to give myself for when I am not in such a good mood?
Well, to begin with, this summer I don’t want to waste a moment. Work really hard at JNJ, really do a good job on the research project I have been given, do not be afraid of cold calling or knocking down doors of people (even very “important” ones to get the information I need). As long as it is relevant and I have done my homework, I will be ready and they will appreciate my work. Or they can disregard it, who cares?
Second, enjoy New York. Go to shows, go to museums, go to parties, don’t waste a moment. Third, be good to my body, eat right, sleep right and exercise as much as I can.
I think if I keep to these goals, I will really be maximizing my summer.

What about med school? How do I optimize my second year?
Take advantage of the small tight-knit community at DMS. Shadow docs in as many fields as I have an interest in, get involved in events in the business school and college that I like and I am interested in, make an impact on the admissions committee (for instance by actively recruiting minority students and speaking my mind about candidates), do my best in courses but do not obsess about the last 1%, the last 30 minutes before a test, take care of my health.

This is who I want to be and if I can just do these simple things, I will be a happy person like I am today.
The happiest part of my day today is that I feel comfortable in my own skin!

Chinese “Lion’s Head” meatballs

1. 2lbs twice ground pork put into pot
2. cut up two handfuls of green onions and finely grated ginger
3. add cooking wine, half bowl of soy sauce, dash of pepper and sugar
4. mix in 2/3 can of chicken broth while stirring (X100)
5. add corn starch, mix until gooey but consistent
6. dice water chestnuts very finely and mix in
7. Form meatballs, fry with oil on high heat, remove then cook cabbage leaves with oil
8. Re add meatballs, cover and heat until done

Why med school?

Leaving Taipei to go back to the US tomorrow. Its been a relaxing two weeks, lots of lounging around, good food, shopping and family. Between the wedding I attended and seeing old friends and relatives, I’ve been answering the question a lot about the reason I decided on med school after five years out of school. The question itself seems a bit out of place given that the average age of the students in my class is about 24 with several classmates in their late twenties and early thirties. I even knew a fellow post-bacc student studying pre-med at SFSU who was in his 40s and applying to med school.

Most of the questioners have been my peers. We are an interesting bunch. My high school, Taipei American School, did not allow local Taiwanese citizens to apply. Only those with international citizenship and whose families could afford the $20,000/yr tuition could send their kids to TAS. So we grew up in the midst of privilege knowing full well that we were the kids that could have whatever we wanted to have, do whatever we wanted to do, be whoeever we wanted to be. The most indecisive people are those who are blessed (or spoiled) by an excess of choices. We grew up knowing that we could become CEOs, lawyers, doctors, professors, professional singers, actors and actresses, models. But there is a catch. The implicit desire of our parents who are not only the sponsors of our high priced educations, but also our “filial creditors” to whom we must repay our debt by establishing ourselves in a respectable profession, forming our own family, becoming financially stable, responsible parents. As our grandparents pass away, as our parents get older, start to consider retirement and reflect on their life achievements, the pressure for us to find a career, get married and have grandkids becomes greater and greater. It is an unspoken but tangible pressure that I feel especially when I am back in Taipei around my peers and my family. At 28, with a high school diploma from TAS, degree from Duke, five years of high tech and VC experience isn’t it high time for me to start down the path to career success and family?

So back to the question, “why med school?” Some ask out of genuine curiosity, others ask the question in a tone of disbelief as if they couldn’t believe why I would leave a profession like venture capital (which is btw on the rich Chinese parentally approved list of professions) for school. Still others say the words “med school” with a tone of mild disgust, remembering their much despised general chemistry course in college.

The answer unexpectedly has become harder to give now, after the first year of med school than before especially as I visit with my peers whom I haven’t seen in a few years and see the grass on the other side of the fence. I find myself answering defensively . . . sometimes starting with an “aaahhhhh” or “uuuummm” then giving a diplomatic answer like “well it is a good balance of helping people and having financial stability” or “I guess I figured out I was only good at studying so might as well make a career out of it”. These responses surprised me because they reflect upon my lack of confidence and conviction in my chosen profession. It reflects a weakness I do not want to admit to have.

THE ANSWER
So why did I attend med school? (And more importantly, why will I go back to Hanover this fall)
I think deciding and continuing to attend med school is a test for me. It is a test of my character, my will and my dedication to a cause greater than myself. It is my way of testing whether I can dedicate myself to helping others without regard to personal gain. It is a test of my discipline to subject myself to a degree of academic and emotional rigor that I have not known before. If I pass, I grow into a better version of myself. If I fail, I will go back into business armed with an MD.

I’m glad this is not a one year test . . .