Why med school?

Leaving Taipei to go back to the US tomorrow. Its been a relaxing two weeks, lots of lounging around, good food, shopping and family. Between the wedding I attended and seeing old friends and relatives, I’ve been answering the question a lot about the reason I decided on med school after five years out of school. The question itself seems a bit out of place given that the average age of the students in my class is about 24 with several classmates in their late twenties and early thirties. I even knew a fellow post-bacc student studying pre-med at SFSU who was in his 40s and applying to med school.

Most of the questioners have been my peers. We are an interesting bunch. My high school, Taipei American School, did not allow local Taiwanese citizens to apply. Only those with international citizenship and whose families could afford the $20,000/yr tuition could send their kids to TAS. So we grew up in the midst of privilege knowing full well that we were the kids that could have whatever we wanted to have, do whatever we wanted to do, be whoeever we wanted to be. The most indecisive people are those who are blessed (or spoiled) by an excess of choices. We grew up knowing that we could become CEOs, lawyers, doctors, professors, professional singers, actors and actresses, models. But there is a catch. The implicit desire of our parents who are not only the sponsors of our high priced educations, but also our “filial creditors” to whom we must repay our debt by establishing ourselves in a respectable profession, forming our own family, becoming financially stable, responsible parents. As our grandparents pass away, as our parents get older, start to consider retirement and reflect on their life achievements, the pressure for us to find a career, get married and have grandkids becomes greater and greater. It is an unspoken but tangible pressure that I feel especially when I am back in Taipei around my peers and my family. At 28, with a high school diploma from TAS, degree from Duke, five years of high tech and VC experience isn’t it high time for me to start down the path to career success and family?

So back to the question, “why med school?” Some ask out of genuine curiosity, others ask the question in a tone of disbelief as if they couldn’t believe why I would leave a profession like venture capital (which is btw on the rich Chinese parentally approved list of professions) for school. Still others say the words “med school” with a tone of mild disgust, remembering their much despised general chemistry course in college.

The answer unexpectedly has become harder to give now, after the first year of med school than before especially as I visit with my peers whom I haven’t seen in a few years and see the grass on the other side of the fence. I find myself answering defensively . . . sometimes starting with an “aaahhhhh” or “uuuummm” then giving a diplomatic answer like “well it is a good balance of helping people and having financial stability” or “I guess I figured out I was only good at studying so might as well make a career out of it”. These responses surprised me because they reflect upon my lack of confidence and conviction in my chosen profession. It reflects a weakness I do not want to admit to have.

THE ANSWER
So why did I attend med school? (And more importantly, why will I go back to Hanover this fall)
I think deciding and continuing to attend med school is a test for me. It is a test of my character, my will and my dedication to a cause greater than myself. It is my way of testing whether I can dedicate myself to helping others without regard to personal gain. It is a test of my discipline to subject myself to a degree of academic and emotional rigor that I have not known before. If I pass, I grow into a better version of myself. If I fail, I will go back into business armed with an MD.

I’m glad this is not a one year test . . .