A few old posts

Here are a few old posts that I put on my iphone but haven’t uploaded

On Self Motivation 11/1/08

Lately, I’ve come to realize that the two times in my life where I have worked hardest and performed best were

1) in medicine where not working hard might kill someone

2) j&j where I followed an effective leader whose vision I shared, there was promise of high impact, prestige and to top it off I was compensated well

On Professional/Personal goals 11/3/08

New realization – goal is to be happy and the way to be happy is to be productive and this should be the goal Not productivity or networking or brand names for their own sake Eg maybe I want to be able to veg and do nothing sometimes and for that being an entrepreneur is not compatible perhaps I don’t want to be so passionate about something that I can’t sleep or have to be hypomanic and instead should just be employee #1 What makes me happy -social recognition & prestige -learning -mentoring/teaching -being excited about an opportunity not everyone else sees -being included (languages) -being comfortable -newness freshness -seeing what’s around the corner -self insight -connecting with people (talking to Paul and patients) -being appreciated/knowing I helped someone else -spontaneity -being part of something bigger (democracy in china)

I could never be the doctor patients want me to be Vc have not returned money Hedge fund quickly Two times to get in after Bschool and after Ceo

I need external motivators like threat of tests or embarrassment is it bc I’m not motivated or need to find what motivates me.

Do medicine for the right reason, being a better businessperson may not be one.

Christine’s observation 12/16/08

Christine said something quite interesting to me today. She observed that I really spoke about my time at jnj very fondly and that it’s rare to find a job you really like working with a great Boss for good pay. I told her two reasons it’s not totally ideal basedon geography and trajectory may be a bit slow but with great work life balance but that might be a cop out. Maybe it also lacks some prestige of working for a Mckinsey or the excitement of starting something new. In being a great balance of things maybe jnj just doesn’t have that sense of mystery and excitement that really gets me going?

Consulting for the summer 2/12/09

Finally got the “covetted” consulting job today but found myself wondering if that’s really what I want to do or not. Is it really a “positive” as in something I do because I love it? Or like Harold in white castle am I just lying to myself? So if not consulting then what really gets me up in the morning? Is it patients getting better? Is it the prospect of an exciting new business I’m building? Is it money? I guess looking back on the last few years I would say the general trend is that a few things really “activate” me and the rest is wanting to feel comfortable and safe. The things that have excited me tend to fall into a general pattern of being generally cool things that are innovative or clever and help people such as microfinance or things like my way village. The duration of the excitement varies and medicine has definitely been the most exciting of the bunch. It can definitely be enhanced by good management. In many ways JJDC was a sweet spot for me in terms of productive work that was interesting lucrative and helped people. The ability to also have ownership over it would be wonderful as well. The other factor here of course is prestige and feeling like I have to be better than others or in a position of strength, knowledge, insider, clubbyness.

Somehow I think the desire to work for Mck comes from this feeling of not being good enough. On the other hand the desire to be better and to excel also comes from this. So one question here becomes do I need to always have a boss? Someone to impress, someone to pat me on the back and tell me what a good job I am doing?

Yes and no, I guess I can get excited but not consistently, one reason I hedge all the time is because I keep looking for more interesting and prestigious things that are more clubby that can allow me to occupy that position of strength and give me that sense of confidence that I lack.

So who am I then? It seems that on both levels both in my personal life and professional life I am constantly seeking safety and sense of security both in terms of someone who can take care of me and who I can be a baby with as well as a job that at least on the surface can communicate to others what an impressive person I am.

So what now? Do I try to change all this? Understand it by getting a psychiatrist? Or do I just accept it and optimize who I am? Is there something I am missing here?

Crazy idea 3/5/09

I had a crazy idea today about drug compliance and starting a business which takes commonplace food and herbals habits and uses them to improve compliance with pharmaceuticals. Kind of like cough syrup or antibiotic lollipops for adults.