I am forgetful

I am forgetful, scatterbrained, absent-minded. I often wander about not knowing where I left something, where it was I intended to go or trying to remember something I lost. It is a result of an inability to focus my thoughts in one particular area. I am always thinking of something else, even as I am trying to do just one thing. It makes it tough to study and altogether impossible to relax sometimes without feeling like I am forgetting something.

Even now, while I am trying to get in a nap before a marathon session of biochemistry reading, I cannot sleep as I think about what I need to study, the summer job I want to get, someone who annoyed me today and wanting to document it all on my blog. Perhaps I need some ritalin or just to relax and take it easy. Yet when I do, I almost prefer to think of nothing than to focus on just one thing. Perhaps that is why I continue to search and self reflect. I am looking for that one elusive activity that I can lose myself in. That perfect job where the tedium and chore of “work” fades into the background and what’s left is happiness, fulfillment, curiosity, pride and ownership.

Yet deep down I know that there is no such job out there for me and I worry about whether or not I will have the drive or conviction to create my own path. What does this mean for med school? Right here, right now? Perhaps nothing, perhaps everything . . . but for now I am content and the next four years will be a welcome break from having to wander. Perhaps medical school will force me to focus on what is important for both my career and my life. Or I will keep wandering to some other place. Either way, that’s one expensive piece of paper I’m buying

:)