Gene's Joint

Why med school?

Leaving Taipei to go back to the US tomorrow. Its been a relaxing two weeks, lots of lounging around, good food, shopping and family. Between the wedding I attended and seeing old friends and relatives, I’ve been answering the question a lot about the reason I decided on med school after five years out of school. The question itself seems a bit out of place given that the average age of the students in my class is about 24 with several classmates in their late twenties and early thirties. I even knew a fellow post-bacc student studying pre-med at SFSU who was in his 40s and applying to med school.

Most of the questioners have been my peers. We are an interesting bunch. My high school, Taipei American School, did not allow local Taiwanese citizens to apply. Only those with international citizenship and whose families could afford the $20,000/yr tuition could send their kids to TAS. So we grew up in the midst of privilege knowing full well that we were the kids that could have whatever we wanted to have, do whatever we wanted to do, be whoeever we wanted to be. The most indecisive people are those who are blessed (or spoiled) by an excess of choices. We grew up knowing that we could become CEOs, lawyers, doctors, professors, professional singers, actors and actresses, models. But there is a catch. The implicit desire of our parents who are not only the sponsors of our high priced educations, but also our “filial creditors” to whom we must repay our debt by establishing ourselves in a respectable profession, forming our own family, becoming financially stable, responsible parents. As our grandparents pass away, as our parents get older, start to consider retirement and reflect on their life achievements, the pressure for us to find a career, get married and have grandkids becomes greater and greater. It is an unspoken but tangible pressure that I feel especially when I am back in Taipei around my peers and my family. At 28, with a high school diploma from TAS, degree from Duke, five years of high tech and VC experience isn’t it high time for me to start down the path to career success and family?

So back to the question, “why med school?” Some ask out of genuine curiosity, others ask the question in a tone of disbelief as if they couldn’t believe why I would leave a profession like venture capital (which is btw on the rich Chinese parentally approved list of professions) for school. Still others say the words “med school” with a tone of mild disgust, remembering their much despised general chemistry course in college.

The answer unexpectedly has become harder to give now, after the first year of med school than before especially as I visit with my peers whom I haven’t seen in a few years and see the grass on the other side of the fence. I find myself answering defensively . . . sometimes starting with an “aaahhhhh” or “uuuummm” then giving a diplomatic answer like “well it is a good balance of helping people and having financial stability” or “I guess I figured out I was only good at studying so might as well make a career out of it”. These responses surprised me because they reflect upon my lack of confidence and conviction in my chosen profession. It reflects a weakness I do not want to admit to have.

THE ANSWER
So why did I attend med school? (And more importantly, why will I go back to Hanover this fall)
I think deciding and continuing to attend med school is a test for me. It is a test of my character, my will and my dedication to a cause greater than myself. It is my way of testing whether I can dedicate myself to helping others without regard to personal gain. It is a test of my discipline to subject myself to a degree of academic and emotional rigor that I have not known before. If I pass, I grow into a better version of myself. If I fail, I will go back into business armed with an MD.

I’m glad this is not a one year test . . .

Dou Miao

Just cut dou miao into mostly leaves, get rid of stems, fry with oil, salt and chicken essence on high heat until soft. Serve

Zha Cai Rou Si (Shredded Pork with Vegetable Noodles)

From momma’s kitchen

1. Thin slice hard tofu and pork
2. Marinate pork with soy sauce, rice wine, corn starch
3. High heat, fry tofu in oil w pinch of salt
4. Take out, put in meat and then zha cai packet to fry (after pouring off the juice first)
5. Add teaspoon of sugar
6. Take out and serve

Tender pork . . . mmmm

Pork: cut pork into very thin slices, dip into boiling water until just cooked but still tender and soft and take out

Sauce: soy sauce, soy sauce “gau” paste, homemade chili oil, sesame oil, vinegar, pinch of sugar

Homemade chili oil: put oil into hot pan, sprinkle chili powder in very small amounts at a time (be careful that it doesn’t burn)

Passed first year of med school!

Passed the Neuroscience final! Hooray! That means I’m finally done with the first year. And now to celebrate, I’ve got my pepper steak and dou miao for lunch with an ice cold green tea sitting in front of the TV watching the heat/mavs final. Ahhh, this is the life . . . if only I could do all of this at the beach . . .

Wu Qi

Yeh Yeh always made doing the right thing look easy. His face was stern, stoic, hard, shaped like the chinese character guo, for country, and he never seem troubled by choice, priority, values. Every decision in his life seemed very simple for him. Move the family to Taiwan to ensure their safety, bring the kids up, send them to college and let them fend for themselves, move back to China because as he said “people always want to return to their homeland”.
And yet, Yeh Yeh also had a soft heart. He had to spank my dad and his brothers for trampling my Grandmom’s roses, and then felt so bad about it that he gave them money to buy snacks afterwards. Toward his later years of his life after my grandmother fell sick, I always sensed that he felt conflicted between his own adventurous spirit, not being able to see more of China or travel to distant parts of the world and his duty to take care of my grandma. I think the decision to take care of my grandma was easy to make, but the pain and lonliness of caring for someone with chronic deteriorating mental condition like grandma must have been very difficult.

In the end, Yeh Yeh’s values were defined by many such difficult events in life. Events in which he had no choice, WWII, the Chinese civil war, my grandmother’s illness. Through it all, he always stayed true to his moral compass. He believed in sovereignty, self-determination, service, civil society, education for young people, family, responsibility, personal choice. This guided him through some very difficult choices and worthy accomplishments: leading anti-war demonstrations at his school and being expelled then graduating from Fudan at the top of his Chemistry class, inventing an ethanol based alternative fuel for the KMT tanks, building a school in Taiwan, raising a family and sending his sons to university and seeing them settle abroad in America.

On the fifth week of his death (wu qi), he is home now in Shanghai, sleeping in his bed. He is probably tired but knowing him, he will not sleep easy because Nai Nai is also sick and he must be worried. Even in death, Yeh Yeh never left anything for himself. He was always generous to those around him but selfish when it came to wearing new clothes, buying material things for himself or spending money on himself.

Yeh Yeh, welcome home, don’t worry about grandmom, we are trying our best to take care of her and ourselves, go well, we love you and miss you!

Goodbye Grandpa

My grandfather passed away on April 8, 2006 at 11:20pm just hours after I saw him for the last time in the hospital. Although it was sad to see him go, I would say that most of the time I feel really glad that he lived a full life, had people at the end to be with him and take care of his business. Most of all, I feel grateful to him because I truly believe that he hung on at the end because he knew I would come from the US to see him. It was a small miracle that after deciding to leave last Monday, I was able to arrange and get a visa, book a flight and be in Shanghai within 5 days in time to see my grandfather for the last time.

Yeh Yeh Zai Jian! We will all miss you.

Going to Shanghai

Bad news, grandpa is in a coma, I am going to Shanghai

My sick grandfather

Last week, my grandfather got quite sick and we thought we were going to lose him. He appears stable now but apparently his lungs, heart and kidneys are failing and the transition back to home care is going to be tough. So here I am, thousands of miles away from him, with little or no knowledge of practical medicine feeling helpless. I have been thinking about taking a week off from med school to go visit him but keep going around in indecisive circles.

First, my dad is over there, there is little to nothing I can do for my gramps besides giving him moral support if I go. Going for 1 week is not going to magically cure him.

Second, he would not want me to miss a week of med school to see him if he is okay and being a week behind may put additional pressure on me this term.

Third, I am going to China in June anyway, perhaps that is a better time I could go to visit him.

I have wavered back and forth, but I am now leaning toward not going, staying here and focusing on my studies.

But I have been back and forth about it all day.

Happy 28th to ME???

Would someone who’s pushing 30 be covered in silly string on their birthday? Surely I’m not THAT old yet!